Don't Remember It As It Is
by leedakay
Summary: I wish I could take all the words, embraces and kisses we shared and burn them for I do not want you to think I am coming back when clearly I am not. Don't remember me as I am but just remember... that I love you. IchiRuki oneshot. A bit fluffy & angs
1. Rukia's departure

Hello. Long time no postieeee!!! =D internet's really, really bad this month and I have a lot going on at school. Another oneshot. This was actually posted up in my class blog and since not many of them know Bleach that well, (Hell, some don't even know them! shame, isn't it?) I had made this without actually using the characters' names (Well, some) and tried to put in as little dialogue as possible (Because it was meant to be creative writing and I was in-charge of the writing part.)

Also, I had to tweak a lot of stuff to make it seem unrelated to Bleach so that people will understand what I'm writing about. But if you're Bleach fans, of COURSE you'll understand what this oneshot is all about. =D

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_If I ever leave, know that I will always remember you._

Those were the words I had said to him and how I wished I could've taken them back. Take back every single thing I had ever said to him. Comforting words, every kick, punch, hugs and kisses I had ever given to him I wish I could take back.

Because every gesture I had ever showed to him meant little by little that I was staying.

Which I wasn't going to do. He and I are of different worlds. We should have never met, should have never stuck together like we were then. We should have never been anything more than strangers or, to the very least; friends.

But we were more than that since the first time we had set eyes upon each other. When I had stealthily snuck in his bedroom to chase the creature that was nearby, I hadn't known then that he was gifted; truly gifted when he could see me... even touch me – by kicking me on the butt.

I should have stopped there. I should have stopped the moment he had made eye contact with me. The moment that he had stared into my deep azure eyes and I had bore into his warm amber ones I knew I was a goner.

Emotions.

As who I am, I shouldn't feel these things. I shouldn't have emotions at all because what I do requires me to be as apathetic as I could truly get. But meeting him had ruined my strong facade that I had perfected in this hundred and fifty years' worth of living. And he had destroyed it... in just eighteen months.

Curse him then. Curse him and his idiotic manner, his brash ways, abrasive and somehow slightly intimidating personality he carried with him. Damn him.

Damn his ridiculously strong will, his over-_over_protective persona, his kind heart, his warm smile that he rarely ever shows but shows all of it when he does and damn his wonderful insistence when it comes down to issues of rights and hints of subtle gentlemanliness actions. (Though he rarely admits, he really wishes he could do everything for us. I wouldn't want to imply this act to me alone as he had showed similar behaviour to our friend too.)

Sometimes I chuckle at the prospect of him being a lover. How could he, a person with a scowl for a trademark, be romantic and caring towards those of the opposite sex?

The farthest he could do was to sputter and stutter and later on scowl at the idea of having a valentine... not that he hadn't received _numerous_ invitations but he just chose to decline the bunch of chattering girls politely.

He explained to me what Valentine's Day was when I had asked him why the group of girls he had just talked to glared at me with slits while ripping off pink pieces of papers. So I asked him why he didn't accept and he shrugged me off.

I had a feeling that he was saving up that spot for someone else. Who?

I glanced over the redhead sitting behind me and smiled at her. Of course he would have asked her. They were best friends. They were so perfect for each other.

And me, _also_ being their best friend would also understand and completely be unsurprised if he waltzed – no, scratch that – walked over to her and asked her to be his valentine.

But he didn't and disappointment washed over me and as far as I could see, her too.

I stopped abruptly when we were heading home and he spun, his wild mass of spiky hair swishing slightly.

He had asked me what was bothering me and my eyes narrowed. How could he be so _blind_? Couldn't he see that she _loved _him? She had always loved him; that much I could see. Since I had arrived here, the first obvious emotion I had received was the way she stared at him... with those longing gray eyes and so much love in her face...

I smacked him; a virtual habit of mine, and I told him what a fool he was. He was startled and then he scowled at me, thinking that I was being the temperamental bitch I was.

I sighed and asked him who he was going to ask to be his valentine's this year instead. He snorted and gave me a look. "Valentine's pointless." He muttered and continued walking. I chuckled and told him how typical he was being and he replied with a cheeky comment that resulted in a near-death blow on his stomach.

But that night, he knocked on my room door and dropped a small red pouch in my hands, a slight pink tinge on his cheeks. "Just for the record, it's tradition." He muttered and closed the door.

Startled by the gesture, I opened the pouch and a solid chocolate heart with the words '_b my valentine?' _written with pink icing on it dropped in my palms.

The next morning I had teased him about being a romantic softie and he took back his offer. I laughed and wrapped my slender arms around his waist. I knew he wasn't used to these gestures; especially if it came from me. Hell, we only hugged only a number of times and that was a lot, considering the fact that we'd known each other for quite a while.

One thing led to another.

I remembered that day like it was just yesterday and it brought a smile on my face. I remembered his face as I had climbed on his bed and levelled with him just to give him a swift kiss. He was shocked, to say the least. Actually, he had covered his mouth and scrambled backwards, as if his mouth had been burned. I sighed and folded my arms, crossed.

"Well?" I asked and as if some understanding had closed in, he carefully advanced towards me and our eyes met.

We were always good in communicating this way. We never needed words when we wanted to tell each other something. It was always in our eyes. No one could comprehend how we knew each other so well in such a short matter of time and as a matter of fact, neither could we.

He took hold of my folded arms and pried them apart. I rolled my eyes and he scowled. He told me to get a grip; it wasn't like he was used to these kinds of things and that statement really made my heart swell.

I laughed. How could a healthy sixteen year old guy not know how to kiss a girl?

But then again, I was much older than him and this had to be only my second kiss in my entire life. I cursed under my breath and he snorted, understanding exactly what I had been thinking. I tried for another insult but I couldn't because at the moment, his mouth was expertly kneading mine, kissing, rubbing, nibbling tenderly at the soft spots on my lips. My arms had snaked around his neck and I had pulled him towards me deeper and I clutched him tightly, never wanting to let go; ever.

Bliss. Sweet bliss; that was what I had felt at that moment and I wished for it to never end.

Like I said; I never considered him to be a lover. Never... and he wasn't. But he was just someone special to me and he had once said that...

That I was a very important person to him.

And quite frankly, that was all that I had needed to hear from him and when we had looked into each other's eyes that night when the stars were shining brightly and me nestled nicely in his arms, I knew he had meant so much more than that.

And like I said... we never needed words to understand each other.

I never thought that I would fall in love with him. But it was the truth. No matter now cliché that word may be, it described how I felt in a very apt way and it came to me as a surprise as it was the only word in the whole wide world that had reflected my feelings for him accurately and hit it dead centre.

But there comes a time... when you have to remember and accept the fact that life is full of downs as it is full of ups. I used all my ups and now... the downs are coming towards me, crashing onto me like waves of despair.

I was forced to leave with reasons beyond protestation. It had come from a much higher power and who was I to question it?

I had chosen to tell him one night when we had just finished rounding a bunch of those 'creatures' and sent them back where they belonged.

His expression was nowhere near happy. "If this is a joke..."

"It's not." I told him, clearly and boldly. I willed not to cry. I had forced myself to take an oath to not cry when I told him this. His expression turned bleak. He asked how long and my breath hitched. Why? Why did he have to ask that?

"Forever, maybe." I whispered and his warm amber eyes widened. He didn't break into a tantrum but it wasn't like I expected him to....

All he did was nod weakly and walked towards me, his mouth set in a grim line.

He had lowered his head. He told me our friends will be furious.

"Chad will miss you." He said loudly. I heard thunder roaring and saw the dark clouds rolling in. It was about to rain and I knew how much he hated the rain.

"He'll be fine." I said, so far my voice hadn't wavered. But it was proving to be difficult to maintain.

"Ishida will be furious." He muttered, still walking towards me. I could feel the air around him thicken.

"He'll find someone else he could be on par with." I whispered, trying to force the lump in my throat to disappear.

"Inoue will probably faint." He said huskily, standing so close in front of me that I could feel his hands bumping mine.

"She'll be okay with Tatsuki." I managed to say before my breath hitched.

Things went quiet for a while... I heard the rumble of thunder and saw that the heavy clouds pregnant with the rain was about to burst any moment now.

"And what about me?" he asked. I looked up and begged him silently not to make it harder than it already is. But he kept repeating the same question.

_What about me?_

I tried to look for a solution. I tried to think of a pain-free way for him to let me go but I couldn't. So I had moved to my old tactics and elbowed his ribs, successful in knocking the air out of him. He yelled and cursed and I decided – as the rain started to fall – that this was the best time for me to let the tears that I had failed to hold... out.

My tears blended nicely with the heavy downpour that was soaking us to the bone and I gave him a weak smile. I told him to get a grip on himself and asked him since when he had become such a softie. He scowled at me and I thanked heavens he was back to his normal state.

I told him it wouldn't be forever. We could see each other again if he decided to pay me a visit. He knew where I was going... but he also knew he couldn't go there.

Not always. Hell, not even once a month. On several occasions – I enlightened him – there would be possibilities that he would have to go there for a bit of work but it didn't perk him up.

In the end... well, we just ended up in each other's arms, not bothering to say anything because unsaid things were better left at that state. I fisted my hands on the fabric on his chest and his arms around my back tightened. He never heard my sobs but I was pretty sure he could feel my trembling body and if possible, without hurting me, he tightened his hold on me even more.

We were soaking wet but that didn't stop us from having just one more kiss. Just one more.

And after that... I had told him to never ever forget me to which he replied wryly that there was no forgetting me. I smiled and told him there and then... how proud I was of him and how I was thankful of all people I had to 'accidentally' meet, I was glad it was him; very glad.

But now... reflecting over the memories... I sometimes wished I could take back all those things.

I knew he wasn't an idiot. I knew he wasn't going to do something stupid like blow his life away just for the sake of waiting for me to come back. He was way smarter than that.

But I wished that he would forget about me. Just forget about the person who had made his whole life turn upside down, ruined his chances of ever becoming a normal teenager and put him in constant danger. I wished he could forget about that horrible person.

But he didn't. Every night I could see him winding up his bedroom window ever so slightly and stare at the moon with a bittersweet smile on his face.

_Life sure wasn't fair, huh? _

Yes, my dear... life is far from fair. But so is death.

But one of these days... those two will do us justice. When you finally pass, I'll finally live again and we'll finally meet each other for the second time in another lifetime. But until then, just hang in there... and live your life by my words.

And everything will be alright.

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**A/N: Well? can you make it out? It's from Rukia's POV, of course. :) tell me what you think. I really hope it's not too OOC. also, check out Life's Oddities, please. it's lacking reviews. :( It's a collection of Oneshots. all fluff, angst and other shyz.**

**review!**

**thanks!!!**


	2. Ichigo's departure

**Ah, yeah, Undecided is still in progress though I'm totally brain-dead. Anywhoo, many thanks to Black Sun Upon An Icy Sky for suggesting a sequel and I'm really hoping that this would suffice. It was made in a little over 4 hours so expect lots of errors whether it be the storyline, plot, sentence structures etc. So yeah.**

**Happy reading.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.**

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It's been six years since he had last seen her. It's been that long and he barely remembered what she looked like.

Ichigo was never a person you would expect to die so soon but here he was, lying on a bed, waiting for his song to finish.

A little over a year ago, a terminal disease had hit Karakura like a fast-spreading virus. Many died, apparently and less than half survived. Even though Ichigo was well over dead after his own soul chain was severed, it didn't stop his human side from catching the wave of diseases.

He had been suffering for a year now, lying in bed, doing nothing. Once, just once, he would like to pick up his Substitute Shinigami badge and let his soul run free of the pain.

He had grown so thin and all that charisma had gone out from him completely. He was waiting, like a hopeful little puppy, for his song to finish. For him to finally blow out his breath.

Death wasn't a bad thing, really. It was sweet because truth be told; if he had continued living, if he had continued to live, he would be suffering even more. Thinking of her day by day, without fail made his heart beat in pain. He wished for nothing more than to see her again.

But he barely remembered what she felt like in his arms and he missed her voice more than anything.

Ichigo was never the one to go for these sappy romance shit but it was true that once you've found that someone, you couldn't help feeling those feelings. Maybe before when she was still around, they weren't exactly a couple you could call happy or romantic. Quite the contrary; they were anything but.

They were always getting on each other's cases, always arguing, always bickering about everything. In fact, even in Valentine's Day, they would be having fights about their gifts towards each other. Sometimes people wondered how they even hooked up with each other but only their close-knit of friends would know why and how they've come to terms with their feelings.

Believe it or not, it was Rukia who made the first move and man wasn't that a bruise on his ego?

Oh, Ichigo remembered that memory clearly.

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It was night time, after they had rounded off a good amount of Hollows. As always, she would climb in his closet and bid him goodnight and he would do the same, getting in his bed and wishing her goodnight.

Neither of them slept but rather kept slow steady breaths with eyes wide open.

"Hey, Rukia?"

"Yes?"

He was surprised she wasn't sleeping yet. He knew very well she was tired. "Can't sleep?"

"I don't think so." She said and sighed. "Ichigo, would you mind going down and getting me a glass of milk?"

"Get it yourself." Ichigo snorted. He expected her to throw a bunch of insults from behind the closet but none came. Curious, he got up and peaked inside. Rukia was lying on her makeshift bed, her eyes open, staring upwards. She looked at the crack and rolled her eyes.

"Open it, will you? It's getting stuffy in here."

Ichigo obliged and opened the closet door. Rukia jumped down and proceeded to get herself a glass of warm milk to which Ichigo protested angrily.

"Are you insane? What if my family found out you were lying about sleeping over at Inoue's?" Ichigo hissed. Rukia gripped her hips.

"Look you, I told you to get me a glass and you wouldn't. And now I want to get a glass but you won't let me." She said, frowning. "Make up your mind but the bottom thing is; I want a glass of milk!"

"You know what? We'll go downstairs together. There, happy?"

"Much happier." She said and both of them padded down the stairs.

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After a few mugs of milk later, Rukia set her glass down in the sink and began washing it. "Hurry up with that, will you?" she asked. "I'm washing here."

Ichigo passed her his mug and she washed them in an instant.

"Thanks." He said and turned off the lights. "Come on, let's get back upstairs."

"Hey, Ichigo." Rukia muttered, not budging from the kitchen sink. She had a blazing look on her face and her eyes were a deeper colour than normal.

"What?"

Rukia considered for a moment and shook her head. "Nothing." She said and they went upstairs.

* * *

Since none of them could get a proper shut-eye, they spent the whole night talking. It was rare of them to do this. They were talking; just talking about pointless things, about meaningful things, unimportant facts, important details... just about everything.

Ichigo's heart jumped slightly when Rukia mentioned that she liked his new fighting style. True that, he had been working on some new moves lately. He was glad she noticed. Very glad.

Though he didn't expect that simple 'your new fighting skills are quite good' praise could make his heart jump like that. He gulped. What kind of feelings were these?

One thing led to another and they started bickering again. Arguing didn't call for a time and place for them. In his bedroom in the middle of the night works fine for them. They were having a hissy fit with each other.

Finally, Rukia jumped up his bed and instinct took over her. She glared at him with deep azure eyes before unconsciously planting a soft kiss on his mouth.

Shocked, Ichigo scrambled backwards, his hand on his mouth. He looked as if he had kissed something hot. Rukia sighed and folded her arms.

"Well?" she asked, wanting it to sound like a joke. But he never took it as one when he pried her arms apart, much to her surprise and told her to give him a minute as he wasn't used to these kinds of things. Rukia snorted.

"How can a healthy sixteen year-old not know how to kiss a girl?" she asked him and thought of something in her mind. A hundred and fifty year-old woman and this was probably her second kiss in her whole life. "Shit." She mumbled and Ichigo smirked.

"Yeah, looks like I'm not the only one." He said before framing her face with his hands and kissing her like there was no tomorrow; swallowing her insults in the process.

* * *

"You really are an idiot, you know that?" came a voice not too distant from him. Ichigo's warm brown eyes widened and he looked sideways. His breath caught in his throat because there she was, as clear as the sky on a sunny day.

Rukia.

Rukia, Rukia, Rukia, Rukia...

She was there, in the flesh, exactly how he remembered her. Soft smooth skin, pale against the moonlight, dark blue orbs which sparkled and midnight coloured tresses cascading down her neck, ending just above her shoulders.

"Seriously, I told you to lead a happy life. I told you to die old, damn it, Ichigo." She said in her usual commanding voice but he could see the specks of tears in her eyes. He snorted.

"So how much time do I have left?" he asked. Rukia looked at the bedside table and sighed.

"About a few minutes." She replied. Ichigo pursed his lips. "Honestly, you buffoon. Don't you ever read the news? I know you were too busy studying for you finals but still, to ignore the world completely?" she asked, resisting the urge to give him a wallop on the head. Oh how she missed doing that.

"Sorry." He croaked. "I guess I've just been running on autopilot all these years." He said. Rukia bit her lip and sat down beside him on the bed.

"You look terrible." She mumbled, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

"You look short. But what else is new?"

Rukia smiled. "You're right." She said and leaned towards him. "I..." she said and stopped. "I'm sorry."

"You did what you had to do."

"But that still doesn't cover it. I'm sorry that we've ever gotten involved those years ago. Really, I'm so sorry. If it weren't for me, you would have had a nice girlfriend by now, excelled in your studies, and gotten into a much better college..."

"And I'd have missed the best years of my life, you idiot." Ichigo said and with whatever was left of his strength, reached for her hand. "Missed you." He said. Rukia smiled.

"I did too." she said, tears filling her eyes. "But you promised not to die."

"No one's immortal." Ichigo said, clasping her hand tightly. "In case you don't know." He said dryly. Rukia bent one of his fingers and he winced in pain.

"Just a little parting gift from here to the spirit world." She said and let go of his hand, kissed his lips and waited for him to pass on.

"Hey Rukia?" Ichigo said, just a few seconds left before he died. His eyes fluttered and closed for the last time as he blew his last breath.

When his soul form, never changing the least all those years- joined her, it was then Rukia answered him.

"Yeah?"

Ichigo sighed, watching his body sleep in peace. He then looked at her with warm amber eyes and gripped her small hand tightly. "We've got forever stretching out in front of us."

"That we do." She said, returning the pressure of his hand in hers. "Why?"

"Nah, nothing. But just in case we don't..." he said, dropping down to wrap his arms around her and give her a solid kiss. "I want you to know..." he whispered huskily, his eyes had this hazy look and Rukia blinked. "That if you ever leave me again, I swear to God I'll murder myself again."

Rukia frowned and flicked his forehead. "Not funny."

"Who was joking?" he asked, his scowl returning. "Now c'mon. I've got some scores to settle with Renji." He said before giving her a last kiss.

Rukia watched him as they confidently marched up to Soul Society. Now they've got a whole future ahead of them.

And who knows what would happen then?

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**A/N: How was it? I know, not that good but hey, I gave it a shot. That's officially ended. There, I'm brain-dead. Oh by the way, I have a very important question since I'm working on a story later on.**

**What kind of question would you think Rukia would ask Ichigo in an AU story when they first meet? Yes, new story's gonna be an AU so expect OOCness. But I'll try to make them not OOC, okays?**

**Review and tell me what you think. **


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